Why you should split the bill on the first date.
Why you should split the bill on the first date…
I was raised to believe that I was equal to a man in every ‘non biological’ way. I was assured by my parents that I could go into any career I chose, that I was intelligent enough to compete with my peers regardless of their sex and I was always reminded to never rely on a man, especially financially. I was also told that if a man has any respect for me, he will pay for me when we go on a date. I was told that women are to be wooed, chased and respected and all of this sounded pretty good to me, however the older I got, the less sense it made. Something just didn’t compute. How can women claim to be equal and yet expect so much?
For a lot of people, dating has become a major pass time. There are those who have turned dating into a business, blogging about their expeditions, conquests and adventures and those who are looking for ‘the one’. Sex and the City made the singles scene so incredibly appealing that many forgot that it was just a TV show (and a movie with a really horrible sequel). Dating can (and should) be fun but if the purpose is to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, or at least a good chunk of it, then the ins and outs of dating need to be carefully examined and taken seriously before you dismiss someone who might just be perfect for you.
When you break a first date down, it is two people, who don’t know each other, finding out enough to determine if they would like to get to know each other on a deeper level. The question I pose to you is, why should one person pay for this? You have both given up several hours of your time. You are both there to get to know each other. You want to start out on an even playing field with no one feeling like they owe the other anything. Doesn’t it just make sense that you split the bill?
There are a lot of things to establish in those first awkwardly exciting hours and so much potential can be blown away because someone is offended by a social custom that no longer makes sense.
The first few dates are laying the groundwork for a potentially lengthy partnership. It’s about finding out about the other person on a very real level. How do they spend their time? What is their relationship with their family like? What do they value? Instead, those first few dates are often spent trying to impress by paying for a meal, making your career sound fascinating, pretending you’re more exciting than you actually are and wondering who is paying and what their expectations are. It’s also spent making assumptions about the other person based on our own broken belief systems rather than the reality of the situation. For example, if a man wants to split the bill, it is often assumed that he is cheap and will never pay for you. The reality of the situation is likely to be very removed from this. Consider the fact that you are both equals and making an investment in a date. He wants to see how this goes just as much as you do. Not paying on a first date has nothing to do with whether or not he will pay in the future. By the same token, it is frequently assumed that if a man treats you to an extravagant evening on the town, that this behaviour will continue when in fact, it may not and may simply be a means to impress you, give him the upper hand and leave you feeling like you owe him something.
Aretha had it right when she proclaimed r e s p e c t but respect is something you earn and serial dating, expecting to be paid for and having a checklist of automatic deal breakers are not qualities many of us would respect in others.
Women have grown and evolved in so many positive ways. It would be a shame if they continued with the same, outdated traditions in their love lives and it ended up costing them a lifetime of happiness.
